Random Ramblings

Labels: ramblings

I met my boss’ kids for the first time recently and my shaky confidence was tested and it did not really hold its ground.

Yet, all said and done, I am still threatened by this kid. Because I know, when the kid finishes school, the parents will use their connections and get the kid placed somewhere good. I slogged so hard to get the little bit of recognition, and this kid is just going to cruise into it without any problems at all.

I am unsure if I am jealous, but in some sense I cannot see myself cruising thru life (tho it might be nice for a while). I know I would have missed many a crucial lesson, if I was just given the privilege. Without those amazing lessons, I know I will not be the person I am today; as cliché as that sounds; nor would I have gained the respect of my ex-bosses and ex-colleagues.

I guess it irks me that the kids will just cruise through life because of their parents and the parents’ wealth. I don’t ever recall dreaming filthy rich or extremely influential. I sometimes see the kids as birds in a gilded cage with no chance of really knowing how the world is like.

I am simply happy to be comfortable – wealth does not intrigue me none. As long as I have enough to put a roof over my head and food on my table (maybe with a luxury once in a blue moon). I am sated to live a common life with the masses.

Labels: ramblings, Source of Life

It is so infuriating to hear my superiors tell me that something is wrong, after I have said it many times before and kept bringing it up to their attention. Regardless of how many times I try to remind them, or show that them that we are missing huge chucks of a project, they always choose to see it at the last moment.

As if suddenly, a great light has dawn upon them and the panic sets in. They start getting paranoid and frustrated that things are not done. It is beginning to seem like they will never really hear what I have to say or let me do the things I continually suggest to prevent the avoidable stress.

Labels: ramblings, Source of Life

I am unsure if I can take it. Just a while ago, I was put back in my element. As I stood there, I felt like I was home, I felt happier and comfortable. Even my boss looked at me and went – You look right at home. This is your domain.

One of the many things swimming in my head is – why in the world did I switch companies when this one is not letting me do what I want to do and why am I still staying?

Labels: ramblings

It’s in turmoil. I know I have many decisions to make, but I cannot seem to find an answer to any of them. Maybe it is because I am thinking about it all at the same time. I guess it does not help to have new things constantly added to the pile.

As my friend said, I cannot be responsible for everyone’s problems. Regardless, I feel responsible for a lot of things and the weight of the burden is hurting my shoulders. I have no one to turn to for any kind of assistance.

Most see me as a strong person, with willpower that does not seem to have any boundaries. I cannot understand why people like to judge the book by its cover. I’m no dragon lady. Underneath the brash exterior lies one very fragile and tired soul. A soul so weary, it no longer has strength to pursue the happiness it needs to survive. Just because I am able to hold my head high, and show a different side of me at work, doesn’t not mean that is all there is to me. I put on a front, as it is the only thing I can do to get through a day.

Those complimentary remarks tend to leave me weaker rather than boosting my willpower or strength. It saps at what little strength I might have left, to smile and pretend they are right.

From juggling work, to personal issues, internal turmoil and long outstanding decisions coupled with having to deal a fake identity is taking is toil—that is just too many balls in the air

The yoke is heavy, and the body and soul are weary.

Labels: ramblings

Today, I am a very very very gleeful person. I realised how many toys I have this month! As of Monday, I had got myself something from the recent PC show and a huge black and white thing. Today, my wonderful new toy I have been waiting two weeks for arrived. I was skipping in my office and I have a whole slew of pictures of me opening up my new present! Photos are not uploaded yet, so please hold your horses. I will endeavor to blog about tons of stuff once work eases up. There is still one more toy this month!

I also recently won a battle at work. So I am very pleased with myself and now have to live up to what I fought so hard for.

Not to mention, some people from my past, are turning up in my life so things are mounting extremely quickly. I sometimes even forget to breath.

Toodles, back to the daily grind!

Labels: ramblings, Source of Life

One would think it is common sense not to put an ad /directions or anything relating to your business on a trash can.



Maybe common sense is not so common after all.

PS - Please forgive the grainy image, I had forgotten to bring my camera out. Phone cameras will never cut it.

Labels: ramblings

This is for my dear cousin. Excuse the grainy image, I didn’t have my camera with me.

Who says there isn’t a tub of Dublin Mudslide!!

Labels: ramblings

But at times like this, I wish I wasn’t so adventurous.

BZ and I decided to catch up over dinner mainly because she was dying to see my new spanking hair. I had to go down to Vivo to run some errands and I wanted to see water… Yes, water; I know am lacking at least a couple of screws. So off to Vivo I went. While walking around trying to find some place to tantalised our tastes buds, BZ saw The Mussel Guys; which is where our problems start. The menu looked inviting so we were trying to get the attention of a server. But while we were standing at the door, a couple was there and looking at the menu a staff had given to them and the said staff was just standing there looking at the couple. We obviously had decided and wanted a table, but he did not really seem to notice us. When we finally managed to get someone’s attention and asked if we could sit outside, he just looked at us and said “I’m not sure if there are seats outside” and made no attempt to do anything after his statement.

Yes, I know it was definitely a warning bell, but my friend was nicer than me and said so absolutely sweetly “Can you please help us check?” I wanted the seafood pasta that was on the menu, tho I didn’t want it in a tomato based sauce so I asked if it could be switched, with no malice whatsoever. I was willing to take something else if they couldn’t do it. But because of the server, I was almost insistent on getting it. I just couldn’t believe that the server said the following line – “I can put in the request, but I can’t guarantee that it will be cream when it comes out.” I was just dumbfounded. How do you say something like that to customers?!?

In the end, I waited forever for my pasta to come out – and my friend was almost done with hers. When she had a few bites left off her dish, mine came out but it was in a tomato sauce, so I had to send it back. Even while waiting, both of us had already guessed that my pasta would come out wrong. The best part, the cream sauce tasted like they just poured the cream over and added A LOT white wine. It was really horrid. I would have gotten better pasta at Pasta Mania at half the price.

My wonderful friend suddenly had a sweet tooth, so we had issues trying to get a server’s attention to bring us the dessert menu, to take our order, to bring us water. So finally, we were just sitting there awaiting for wonderful brownie with ice cream to arrive. We waited, and waited, and waited a while more. Then we got fed up and questioned a server on our long awaited dessert. He went in and about five minutes later, our brownie was brought out; WITHOUT the ice cream! We were so irritated! I was just so frustrated already, over all the issues before, and it was just getting worse. The server was in some world of his own I think, coz when we said that it was supposed to be a brownie with ice cream, he looked at us blankly! Did he not study his menu! He went in, and came out with a small bowl of ice cream and just handed it to us. What kind of service standard is this?

But all the preceding issues, would pale in comparison to the last problem. As we were eating our brownie with ice cream, suddenly BZ stopped eating and just stared at it. I followed her gaze and she scooped out a strand of hair from the ice cream! The two of us just stared at it in disbelieve and disgust. When we finally managed to get hold of a server, he was just staring at us not sure what he should do. We had to tell him to take it away and that we wanted the bill without the charge of the dessert. We wanted to see if the management would have the initiative to deal with the entire situation. Unfortunately, they didn’t. All they did was to remove the dessert from our bill.

This is probably the worst experience I ever had. At times like this, I worried for the state of our service standards. Coming from the service industry previously, I would have been completely embarrassed to have even provided a service where by I could not even answer my customer’s question, let alone the long, long list of wrong steps that The Mussel Guys made. To add injury to the insult, they chose to do nothing about it. That is seriously bad PR and customer service, compounding of the mistakes with more mistakes. At times like this, I cannot bring myself to defend the industry I feel so passionately about. Tho this is an exception to the rule, it really hits me deep since I had always strived to give my customers the best my restaurant could offer.

From the time I had left their restaurant, I had text nearly my entire list of phone contacts to ensure that they don’t have to go through the same horrendous experience I did.

I am sure that there were definitely more than 20 people that had received my text message, within ten minutes of my leaving the restaurant.

As they always say,
“Give great service, the customer will tell five people.
Give poor service, the customer will tell fifteen.”

Labels: ramblings

While waiting for my transport home, I let my mind wander – not always a good idea, but it seem like a good idea this time. For some reason, it chose to venture into the realm of my mentors.

They are as different as night and day, yet to me they fulfilled a similar role – albeit two extremes of that role.

The first I was extremely apprehensive when I had to first meet her. From the stories I had heard about her, I was utterly uneasy and was hoping to make a good impression that day. Over the years, we have had a strange relationship. People on the outside might think we are insane, but it’s a just our style of communicating and the way we are together. I’ve grown so much under her tutelage – not just on the work front, but personally as well. In her own special way she has always shown concern onto me and I never imagined someone would care so much about me. So much so, I am unable to just brush her words or actions aside. Even at times, when I don’t say anything, she just seems to understand and be concerned enough to take time out of her busy schedule just for me. In my life, she has become one of the most important people to me.

The second, I actually have known longer than the first, but the first being such a strong character, the rest of us seems to pale in comparison. With her constant listening ear and always there to help me whenever I am in trouble, she is normally the first person I run to for sound advice. Everlastingly patience, she will slowly explain everything, so that I am able to grasp the entire situation. She is always there when I need her and tends to help me keep my feet grounded through all my craziness.

For two people who have never been mothers, it is quite amazing that they have shown me that a mother should really be. For a long time, I was at a lost to what “mum” really meant. But with them in my life, I see it a lot better and I no longer search for the answer as I have found it in the two of them. So this Mother’s Day, this is my tribute to them. Tho they will never read this, nor will I ever call them “mum”, in their own special ways, they have found a place in my heart that can never be removed, for they have shown me what it really means to worry and be concerned about someone.

Labels: Hard Knocks, ramblings

One of the worst things to experience is that you love someone but yet the two of you are unable to be together, not due to your choice but because of the choices of the people around you or just the unfortunate circumstances that Life throws at us. Even unrequited love doesn’t hurt as much as inability to be together.

The parties end up pinning for each other; be it if they are so near each other but do not know that pertinent nugget of information, or even if they were miles apart. If you happen to be the outsider looking at one of them, you cannot help but feel the sorrow as they try and put on a happy face and smile. Just as you do not see them wipe away the tears and hide the grief so that no one really knows what they are going through.

The strength of the human spirit will probably never cease to amaze me; how it can one walk away from the things that matter so much, especially when the person knows how much pain it will cause or the amount of regret that will plague one. Things like this leaves the mind in turmoil and the spirit spent and tired.

Labels: ramblings

I have had my new hair for almost two week now. Besides a slight hitch, it is been fairly smooth sailing.

I am actually quite pleased with it, even tho I have always been more prone to long hair. I finally have a fringe! I even managed to describe it to my hairdresser and she got it almost identical to the photo I saw. The back of my hair is a bit shorter than I wanted it to be, but I can live with it.

So far the responses have been extremely positive (No laughing guys) – from modern, “finally, you changed your style”, makes me look younger, sexier, more playful. The comments are amazing guys! Maybe shorter hair is better or not. I got pseudo-ly hit on two hours after my new hair cut. Unbelievable!

This morning’s comment from my boss takes the cake: “I was wondering who that modelesque person who looked like she just stepped out of Vogue magazine was.” I think it would have been the highest compliant to any fashionista, so unfortunately, it was very lost on me.

So far I have managed to carry off the following looks:

• Mysterious/alluring (do not laugh)
• Sexy
• Sporty
• Girly
• Shu Nu (You can stop laughing now!)
• Korean babe (my new found fetish is Korean dramas, I have no idea why)

Whether I manage to maintain this is yet to be seen. My new fringe irritates me every so often. I know it would normally take some getting used too, but it tickles my eyes and forehead; which is why I did not have a fringe for years.

It would definitely be an interesting experience and a huge test of my patience and temper. Life lesson from a hair cut, not a bad deal I must say.

Labels: ramblings

The mental and emotion turmoil has taken its toll. So much so that I looked to a friend to find some comfort in and I said many things that I would not have mentioned on other occasions. I guess it happens when my defenses are down. There is no regret this time, as compared to another time. In some ways I felt relived; in some sense it was part of the process of life one has to go through, like some weight was lifted off me. Tho I didn’t figure out a solution the problem that had been bugging me all week, it was an amazing night nonetheless. Thanks babe.

I slept the day away, probably because I was just too tired from the week. That negated the whole issue that was in some sense plaguing me I guess. I’m not exactly sure now if I am comfortable with the outcome. Maybe everyone was right – it is too soon to make a move. I am never a subscriber to the adage “Time heals all wounds”, this was no exception. The only exception this time was the person doing the asking. That made all the difference for the consideration process; which there was actually one this time.

From a different point of view, that might also be considered progress. Just because it doesn’t pan out the way one expects, it cannot just be written off as a failure. Every experience there is a lesson to be learnt and one day, there will be success.

And with that thought, I am a little comforted.

Labels: advent, ramblings

As they always say, bedrooms are always private domains. One can really see what a person is like through their bedrooms. Tho my bedroom as a whole doesn’t reflect the real me currently (there is an exceptional reason for that), my bed holds the secrets of last night. My pillow is sworn to secrecy but the tell-tale stains are too obvious if someone looks in.

Labels: Opp-Com, ramblings

Could it be because I felt that I didn’t really make the effort to write that text? Or was it that I didn’t put in the effort s I assumed it would be tossed out anyway?

I was strangely unaffected throughout it all and was even lucid enough to have these thoughts, instead of my mind being filled with various methods of which I could torture the person in question.

I was still in fairly jovial spirits when I left the office, all factors considered. I can’t really pinpoint why my mood suddenly turned melancholic and in some sense needy. As each phone call brought me to a dead end with the short word “bye”, the surrounding looked strangely tempting to just lie back, ignore everything and close my eyes.

So I met my mind in the middle and I sat down and just watched the people milling around. It just made me feel lonelier. This strange mood swing baffles me. I’m not exactly sure what my mind is trying to tell me. I guess I have to wait and see, my mind is too convoluted for even myself to figure out half the time.

Labels: ramblings

Work has been a killer. I have decisions to make, but I cannot seem to bring myself to make them. My mind has been so full of things to write, but the time never seemed enough. I guess nothing really goes as planned.

I am starting to wonder, if due to some things I said to one of my bosses, I am being put on the bench. As much as I know one of my colleagues is extremely capable of doing it, it does hurt that I was not asked or suggested. Modus operatus in the office seems like don’t tell the staff anything; keep them in the dark. I notice conversations suddenly change just as I enter. The feeling of doom looms too low overhead.

After working longer than expected on Saturday, and still not doing the work I planned to do, I came back to PC, being such a darling. Since I have been working crazy hours, I haven’t been able to see or play with her. Unfortunately, I feel asleep on the couch pretty quickly. Damn that couch, it just induces sleep.

I had a really nice dinner the other day – complete with laughter, jibes and just being. It was a great offset to the amazing fiasco of the days before. My dreary spirit and mood was lifted. It should last a while.

Over on the overseas front – got a call from my best friend. I really do miss her. With the pending trip in August, I am getting truly excited; though the trip might not happen, as just too many things creating hurdles. It is times like this, I wish I could just be there to just sit with her; I know everything will feel a lot better afterwhich.

This is seriously one hotchpotch of a post. I’m actually shocked I wrote it. Soon I will definitely write more logically and less stream-of-thought like.

Labels: ramblings

I almost went up to him to correct him. It is an amazingly ludicrous statement. He went on to say that normal human beings do not feel insecurity, only abnormal ones do. Insecurity is a part of life; we all experience it somehow, somewhere.

Whether it’s taking an unknown leap into a new career path, where you might feel insecure that you are not making the right decision, or if you find out a person half your age, earns twice your salary, or a girl sees pictures in a magazine and feels insecure that she is not a conventional beauty or that she is overweight. Some experience a lot of insecurities in their daily life, while others may take a big situation to shake them.

But one thing is certain, it is not confined to the abnormal people. It is a normal human emotion; the only question is how one chooses to deal with that same insecurity.

Labels: ramblings

It turns out that I didn't get any work done, but I did get a lot of amazing sofa time. I have a strange affinity towards sofas. I tend to like nicely curling up on them or having a quick nap or just simply lazing on it.

Just the other day, I was playing with PC on the couch, the next thing I knew it was midnight… I had nodded off into dreamland… quite a feat for someone who doesn’t go to sleep easily. I think this stems from the lack of couches over my lifetime. In my childhood home, there were two – and I had a lot of fun on them. Tho I don’t recall sleeping on them, they were definitely used and abused.

The thing I look forward the most when I do get my own place – is the freedom to just curl up on my own sofa with a cushion and a blanket.

Labels: ramblings

I went on some sort of shopping spree yesterday, in hopes to cheer my drooping spirit after that phone call. I just was not capable of continuing with my original plan so I walked around aimlessly, hoping for something to happen I guess. But nothing really did, except the hole in my wallet had gotten bigger yesterday. I had hoped that that family member would be the one to triumph the odds, since he seemed most likely to do so. I feel responsible and I cannot seem to shake the feeling of dread and impending doom. I was trying to help the situation today, but I don’t think I managed to make it easier on anyone concerned.

But my friend said, why am I so worked up over it, this is not happening to me directly. I presume it’s due to the little glimmer of hope I had that things would be better and therefore that things might actually work out for myself has now been extinguished. I know it sounds highly selfish, but maybe I am just not cut out to handle this kind of stress.

While I was trying to deal with yesterday news, today’s work was a killer. I think because I wasn’t completely “at work” it didn’t help the insane problems we had today. I feel so helpless and useless – that I had screwed things up so badly in some way. The double whammy kind of just caught me off guard. So instead of doing either one well, I was trying to straddle two boats, and fell right into the water. It was definitely not a good day and I was trying so hard just to keep myself afloat.

In some sense, today’s news has hurt me more. Tho one would think yesterdays would be one of more magnitude, since it is biological family. Today’s one is work – or rather ex-work.

When you’ve put your heart and soul into something, it becomes part of you. You don’t just close your eyes and it goes away. It stays with you, and you feel for it as you would another person. Why you ask? Coz part of you is in there – you feel the same pain you would, if someone had slapped you.

It just feels like someone has just ripped out such an important part of me, something that had defined me for so many years—is suddenly not what I had imagined it to be any longer. In some ways I knew it would come to this, but I never expected it to happen so quickly and cut so deep.

I’m sitting in my room trying to process all that has happened. When you realise things have gone so wrong, you just want to sit in some corner, away from everything just to be alone, to be alone physically and alone with your thoughts. Drawing into oneself sometimes can be a terrible thing to do. You have no one to turn to, no one to share the problems. It just festers.

Labels: advent, ramblings, Source of Life

I got tons of things that I need to put into words, but my body is deciding not to be a disciplined one at the moment. Work is really getting to me – I know I’m having it easier in comparison to some of my colleagues; but that train of thought sometimes has no effect to make me feel a bit better. I just feel that I’m always one step behind everything with no chance in sight to catch up.

Well, hopefully I will get to backup all these thoughts soon.

Labels: ramblings