Random Ramblings

I met my boss’ kids for the first time recently and my shaky confidence was tested and it did not really hold its ground.

Yet, all said and done, I am still threatened by this kid. Because I know, when the kid finishes school, the parents will use their connections and get the kid placed somewhere good. I slogged so hard to get the little bit of recognition, and this kid is just going to cruise into it without any problems at all.

I am unsure if I am jealous, but in some sense I cannot see myself cruising thru life (tho it might be nice for a while). I know I would have missed many a crucial lesson, if I was just given the privilege. Without those amazing lessons, I know I will not be the person I am today; as cliché as that sounds; nor would I have gained the respect of my ex-bosses and ex-colleagues.

I guess it irks me that the kids will just cruise through life because of their parents and the parents’ wealth. I don’t ever recall dreaming filthy rich or extremely influential. I sometimes see the kids as birds in a gilded cage with no chance of really knowing how the world is like.

I am simply happy to be comfortable – wealth does not intrigue me none. As long as I have enough to put a roof over my head and food on my table (maybe with a luxury once in a blue moon). I am sated to live a common life with the masses.

Labels: ramblings, Source of Life

It is so infuriating to hear my superiors tell me that something is wrong, after I have said it many times before and kept bringing it up to their attention. Regardless of how many times I try to remind them, or show that them that we are missing huge chucks of a project, they always choose to see it at the last moment.

As if suddenly, a great light has dawn upon them and the panic sets in. They start getting paranoid and frustrated that things are not done. It is beginning to seem like they will never really hear what I have to say or let me do the things I continually suggest to prevent the avoidable stress.

Labels: ramblings, Source of Life

Today, I am a very very very gleeful person. I realised how many toys I have this month! As of Monday, I had got myself something from the recent PC show and a huge black and white thing. Today, my wonderful new toy I have been waiting two weeks for arrived. I was skipping in my office and I have a whole slew of pictures of me opening up my new present! Photos are not uploaded yet, so please hold your horses. I will endeavor to blog about tons of stuff once work eases up. There is still one more toy this month!

I also recently won a battle at work. So I am very pleased with myself and now have to live up to what I fought so hard for.

Not to mention, some people from my past, are turning up in my life so things are mounting extremely quickly. I sometimes even forget to breath.

Toodles, back to the daily grind!

Labels: ramblings, Source of Life

I went on some sort of shopping spree yesterday, in hopes to cheer my drooping spirit after that phone call. I just was not capable of continuing with my original plan so I walked around aimlessly, hoping for something to happen I guess. But nothing really did, except the hole in my wallet had gotten bigger yesterday. I had hoped that that family member would be the one to triumph the odds, since he seemed most likely to do so. I feel responsible and I cannot seem to shake the feeling of dread and impending doom. I was trying to help the situation today, but I don’t think I managed to make it easier on anyone concerned.

But my friend said, why am I so worked up over it, this is not happening to me directly. I presume it’s due to the little glimmer of hope I had that things would be better and therefore that things might actually work out for myself has now been extinguished. I know it sounds highly selfish, but maybe I am just not cut out to handle this kind of stress.

While I was trying to deal with yesterday news, today’s work was a killer. I think because I wasn’t completely “at work” it didn’t help the insane problems we had today. I feel so helpless and useless – that I had screwed things up so badly in some way. The double whammy kind of just caught me off guard. So instead of doing either one well, I was trying to straddle two boats, and fell right into the water. It was definitely not a good day and I was trying so hard just to keep myself afloat.

In some sense, today’s news has hurt me more. Tho one would think yesterdays would be one of more magnitude, since it is biological family. Today’s one is work – or rather ex-work.

When you’ve put your heart and soul into something, it becomes part of you. You don’t just close your eyes and it goes away. It stays with you, and you feel for it as you would another person. Why you ask? Coz part of you is in there – you feel the same pain you would, if someone had slapped you.

It just feels like someone has just ripped out such an important part of me, something that had defined me for so many years—is suddenly not what I had imagined it to be any longer. In some ways I knew it would come to this, but I never expected it to happen so quickly and cut so deep.

I’m sitting in my room trying to process all that has happened. When you realise things have gone so wrong, you just want to sit in some corner, away from everything just to be alone, to be alone physically and alone with your thoughts. Drawing into oneself sometimes can be a terrible thing to do. You have no one to turn to, no one to share the problems. It just festers.

Labels: advent, ramblings, Source of Life

In comparison to my previous background – this oppressiveness and control is starting to stifle me. I know I have always been one to say – there is no fair way to compare oneself, except to oneself; likewise for situations. So far I have been trying really hard not to draw any, unfortunately so far it has seemed to be a fruitless effort and my list looks almost like Santa’s on 1 December.

A small – somewhat offhand – mention, has gotten me into a bind. As I think, there is a lot of reasoning and planning behind that mention, and I dread to find out what it is.

Labels: Source of Life

Everyday seems to have me trying out a new mission, which is almost impossible. Just the other day, I had two hours to source and purchase a couple of items needed that I had to travel out of the area of my office just to locate the said items – as after an hour and a half, I still couldn’t locate it and was getting desperate.

Well, isn’t it many a person’s dream to be an agent (mine is better, since I have an almost zero chance of getting shot at). Maybe with this kind of job experience, I can switch industries after this.

Labels: ramblings, Source of Life

In my new place, here is the list of happenings, in no particular order

• I have worked late three out of six days (it’s not boding well)
• Had lunch at my desk (it’s seriously not looking good)
• Forgot the unit number of my new office, even though I had checked it the night before.
• Found my coffee supplier and they have learnt my order by the fourth day – pretty impressive I must say (but I think they got it wrong today)
• Screwed up the phone greeting twice (First time in my life I have to answer phones with such flair) and both times it was my boss (can I get any unluckier?)
• I missed an important appointment because of work
• For one entire week – I had unhealthy food. Then again, I started this week with unhealthy food. Argh! I need to find some healthier choices to balance it out

Labels: ramblings, Source of Life