Random Ramblings

It’s in turmoil. I know I have many decisions to make, but I cannot seem to find an answer to any of them. Maybe it is because I am thinking about it all at the same time. I guess it does not help to have new things constantly added to the pile.

As my friend said, I cannot be responsible for everyone’s problems. Regardless, I feel responsible for a lot of things and the weight of the burden is hurting my shoulders. I have no one to turn to for any kind of assistance.

Most see me as a strong person, with willpower that does not seem to have any boundaries. I cannot understand why people like to judge the book by its cover. I’m no dragon lady. Underneath the brash exterior lies one very fragile and tired soul. A soul so weary, it no longer has strength to pursue the happiness it needs to survive. Just because I am able to hold my head high, and show a different side of me at work, doesn’t not mean that is all there is to me. I put on a front, as it is the only thing I can do to get through a day.

Those complimentary remarks tend to leave me weaker rather than boosting my willpower or strength. It saps at what little strength I might have left, to smile and pretend they are right.

From juggling work, to personal issues, internal turmoil and long outstanding decisions coupled with having to deal a fake identity is taking is toil—that is just too many balls in the air

The yoke is heavy, and the body and soul are weary.

Labels: ramblings