Random Ramblings

I’m so tired out that I can’t seem to think straight. My mind is in turmoil and hurling myself towards destruction.

I know Banana tried very hard and I in turn said yes to many things I might not have done otherwise. Knowing that Banana was truly disappointed in me, hurt me so much that I didn’t even think it could. I wish that things didn’t turn out like this. I was so hoping that this might be the spark to put everything on the path to a solution.

Why I couldn’t see beyond that one line is quite ridiculous. Banana thought it was for the best and told someone. Because of that one little line – everything is changed forever.

I had a friend tell me, that this was a pretty bad idea. But I stuck to my stubbornness and my belief that Banana could swing it. I had high hopes for Banana coz Banana is amazingly capable. What I didn’t factor in, was my own emotions, my own thought processes. Polar bear is right, I can’t do this alone; To have fought to stay on this path for so long has taken its toll. It is a dangerous gamble I take. Yet I still do it everyday in hopes that I can overcome my shortcomings.

Next to Banana, I feel completely unworthy, so utterly inferior. I wonder if I will ever be able to make it up to Banana and it just make things right. I would even settle for less wrong. I feel so guilty I don’t even know how to describe it.

Labels: Opp-Com