Random Ramblings

It is so infuriating to hear my superiors tell me that something is wrong, after I have said it many times before and kept bringing it up to their attention. Regardless of how many times I try to remind them, or show that them that we are missing huge chucks of a project, they always choose to see it at the last moment.

As if suddenly, a great light has dawn upon them and the panic sets in. They start getting paranoid and frustrated that things are not done. It is beginning to seem like they will never really hear what I have to say or let me do the things I continually suggest to prevent the avoidable stress.

Labels: ramblings, Source of Life

After stewing over it for so many days – I have finally come to a decision. This post, in its entirety, will serve as my closure. You will probably never read it, but this time it is about me for once.

I have done everything in my capabilities to do my best by you. Unfortunately, you think the world revolves around you. I am not here for you to take it out upon whenever things do not go your way or if you are in a bad mood. We all have difficult moments in our lives as well as our own demons to fight.

Until now, I have haboured no hostility towards you. Yes, I am well aware that the saying goes “that Rome was not built in a day”. But when choose to destroy the one thing that is most precious to me, you will remember that hell has no fury like a woman scorned. I have tried to find solace in many friends, tho many have called me unreasonable. I find that I am unable to forgive and the more I think or talk about it, the more I realise that I cannot just pretend it never happened.

You insult me by insinuating the most ridiculous things about me - my morals, beliefs and integrity – and with that you have lost my trust. You keep telling people that you know me and understand me – yet, if you really did you would have known that by doing what you have done you have created a situation which is irreparable. You would have known that I do not trust easily – once I start taking a single step towards the process of trusting you, and u betray me; I will turn about with no hesitation and never look back.

If you really knew me, you would have known that my integrity is of utmost importance and what my beliefs are. And with that train of thought you would therefore never implied that I would betray something I hold so dear. You pick up some tacky accusation and you actually tried to pin it on me. Did you think I would never find out? I would never wish that on my most hated enemy. What ever made you think I would accept it lying down?

You now only have yourself to blame for this situation you have designed by your own hand. I will never entertain any of your attention-seeking ploys ever again. You have forgotten how cold and detached I can be. May this serve as a reminder to you.

Consider it that hell as frozen over. The Ice Queen has returned (just for you).

Labels: Opp-Com

I am unsure if I can take it. Just a while ago, I was put back in my element. As I stood there, I felt like I was home, I felt happier and comfortable. Even my boss looked at me and went – You look right at home. This is your domain.

One of the many things swimming in my head is – why in the world did I switch companies when this one is not letting me do what I want to do and why am I still staying?

Labels: ramblings

It’s in turmoil. I know I have many decisions to make, but I cannot seem to find an answer to any of them. Maybe it is because I am thinking about it all at the same time. I guess it does not help to have new things constantly added to the pile.

As my friend said, I cannot be responsible for everyone’s problems. Regardless, I feel responsible for a lot of things and the weight of the burden is hurting my shoulders. I have no one to turn to for any kind of assistance.

Most see me as a strong person, with willpower that does not seem to have any boundaries. I cannot understand why people like to judge the book by its cover. I’m no dragon lady. Underneath the brash exterior lies one very fragile and tired soul. A soul so weary, it no longer has strength to pursue the happiness it needs to survive. Just because I am able to hold my head high, and show a different side of me at work, doesn’t not mean that is all there is to me. I put on a front, as it is the only thing I can do to get through a day.

Those complimentary remarks tend to leave me weaker rather than boosting my willpower or strength. It saps at what little strength I might have left, to smile and pretend they are right.

From juggling work, to personal issues, internal turmoil and long outstanding decisions coupled with having to deal a fake identity is taking is toil—that is just too many balls in the air

The yoke is heavy, and the body and soul are weary.

Labels: ramblings

Today, I am a very very very gleeful person. I realised how many toys I have this month! As of Monday, I had got myself something from the recent PC show and a huge black and white thing. Today, my wonderful new toy I have been waiting two weeks for arrived. I was skipping in my office and I have a whole slew of pictures of me opening up my new present! Photos are not uploaded yet, so please hold your horses. I will endeavor to blog about tons of stuff once work eases up. There is still one more toy this month!

I also recently won a battle at work. So I am very pleased with myself and now have to live up to what I fought so hard for.

Not to mention, some people from my past, are turning up in my life so things are mounting extremely quickly. I sometimes even forget to breath.

Toodles, back to the daily grind!

Labels: ramblings, Source of Life

One would think it is common sense not to put an ad /directions or anything relating to your business on a trash can.



Maybe common sense is not so common after all.

PS - Please forgive the grainy image, I had forgotten to bring my camera out. Phone cameras will never cut it.

Labels: ramblings