Random Ramblings

Our generation is the one leading the way into this world which is shrinking at an amazing rate.

Ten years ago, technology seemed light years away. Now we can chat with someone half way around the globe with instant messages, we can have a voice conversation. Hell, we can even see that person using video messaging. It’s made having friends from everywhere easy. Or at least as easy as it could be.

Want to know that the hardest things about having friends with a 12 hour time difference from you

• The timing will almost never be right
• If both parties are busy as can be people, the time will NEVER be right

And the single most important thing – No matter how much you talk, how much many emails you exchange to keep up with each others lives; you cannot touch the person.

I just watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy—it has hit a nerve. The denial and connecting nerve I’ve tried so long to hide and ignore. I will always be the one to say people need other people, yet I will keep pushing people away from me. One of the reasons why I throw myself into work is so I will have less time for anything else. It’s an inbuilt defensive mechanism developed from young.

I have a friend who hurts me so dreadfully. It’s not her fault, technically. I’ve always maintained that I am always here for her, regardless of anything. My phone is always on, she has both my numbers. All she has to do is call, and I’ll do almost anything for her. Yet, I still feel I am on the fringes of her life. She doesn’t call me when she needs a friend, I only hear from her much later, normally after the damage is done.

Yet I’ve never questioned my being there for her. I have on the other hand questioned if I’ve been a good friend to her, or if I’m a good friend in general. The friends I would like to touch at this very moment are 24 hours or more by plane away. Sometimes I think I care about my best friend, so far away more than I do about the friends that are right here in front of me.

People have called me a bitch, others say I have ice for blood or a stone heart. Some of these people I hold close to my heart – yet they don’t see me for who I really am. Then again, I been hiding who I really am for so long, that sometimes I am not even sure of that myself. It’s true, those “horrible” accusations are true. I am a bitch, I do have ice for blood, my heart is made of stone – but I am also a person who hides everything else.

So do you really know me?

Are we really connected?